The vendor search.
I don't know anyone who really enjoys this task. There are parts you may enjoy, like finding your baker and getting to taste lots of cake, but the overall experience does not fall into the category of "things I look forward to while wedding planning".
Fortunately for us, we haven't had too many bad experiences. My dress shopping was very smooth with some great ladies helping us out at the shops. All three of our potential bakers were a pleasure to sit down and speak with. The venue folks have been a little hit and miss at first, but that's mostly because we're booking while details like pricing and availability are being worked out for the facility as a whole. And then there have been the caterers...
Up until last month, our biggest issue with the prospective catering options were the prices. While in town during our wedding planning weekend, almost all of our vendors recommended
Center Stage Catering. We reached out to them, and sadly, they are booked on our date. Also, during the weekend, we met with the potential caterer that we've been talking with since almost day 1. Up until this meeting, we had been speaking with the owner's wife and she was great. This meeting, however, we were going to be meeting with the man himself, Mr. S (name is being withheld because family in the area still use their services, and we don't want to do anything to hurt those relationships). I had done research on all of our prospective caterers and the reviews on this one were very consistent: the owner was very difficult to work with. We went into the meeting keeping open minds, but also knowing that this wasn't necessarily going to be a walk in the park. Turns out, we really didn't need to be prepared at all!
During our entire meeting, at no point did Mr. S ask about any details about our event or what we had in mind. Instead, he used the entire meeting to showcase his iPad, make sure we knew that he had plenty of decorations and linens and dishware that we could rent or that he might "throw in", and go into detail about how important it is to make it look like you spent thousands of dollars, even if you didn't. We learned that the event really isn't important, it's how much food you make it look like you have, how high end it looks, and the significance of having decorated candle stands of three different heights to keep the table from looking flat. Some of his ideas had a decent intent behind them, but he did a terrible job at selling them.
For example, I don't think the way to sell someone on getting shrimp is to say "I fill a bucket with a lot of ice and then lay some shrimp on top of the ice so it looks like you have a full bucket's worth. It looks like you've spent thousands of dollars on shrimp, but it's really just a few shrimp. Then, I make them very spicy so that Uncle Bob doesn't go up and put 5, 6, 7 shrimp on his plate. They're hot, so people will eat less. That saves you money which you can then spend somewhere else, like linens, which we have in this beautiful purple and black pattern."
Let's dissect that, shall we?
Creating the illusion of more food than you have - not a terrible idea. Presentation can be important. If you buy two dozen shrimp, I don't see the harm in creating the illusion of three or four dozen. I do see the harm, however, in making six shrimp look like fifty (a bit of an exaggeration, but you get my point).
Spicing up the food - the concept behind this one isn't bad, in moderation. I do not want to pay for four dozen shrimp, a dozen of which end up on Uncle Bob's plate and half of which don't get eaten. You don't want to waste your money on food that isn't going to be eaten. However, if we've somehow been able to work in the fact that we can't do spicy, this isn't the best proposal for the same reason as not spicing it up. Why would we want to waste money on a few high end really spicy shrimp that no one can eat? I'd rather err on the side of paying for more food than we need than paying for an entire dish we know people can't eat. Mr. S seemed to pride himself on this type of hocus pocus with food, which disturbed me. I'm all for finding ways to cut corners, but if we're not even trying to put on the illusion of a high end wedding, why does any of this matter?
Other than finding out first-hand about the size of Mr. S's ego, I also heard the sales pitch that I swore would get any vendor immediately vetoed. We were sitting at the corner of the bar during the entire meeting, myself and Douglas on one side of the corner in the bar with Mr. S facing us on the other side of the corner. When he gets to this point in his pitch, he leans in toward me, arm on the bar, head tilted forward, arm outstretched so that his hand can point and gesture emphatically in my direction to drive the point home: "This is YOUR wedding. You have an idea in your head of what YOU want YOUR day to be. It's all about you." At this point, Douglas and I forcibly work in that it's not the way we're think of it at all, it's OUR day. To which Mr. S responds "Sure, but it's YOUR day and YOUR vision."
Don't you DARE try to sell me a bill of over priced goods on the back of a delusion of being a selfish princess for a day! The earlier parts about the shrimp already had my brain going all
but this set off all of the bells and whistles. There was no way this guy was going to be our caterer. However, this ended up being early on in the meeting, if not half way through, so we still had to sit through a lot more of Mr. S's ego-stroking. When it appeared that the meeting was finally drawing to a close, I got very excited that we'd soon be free! Then, the icing on the cake, Mr. S made sure to strongly suggest we reconsider the original menu he sent us - the original menu that didn't even remotely hit the type of food we wanted.
Douglas didn't come away from the meeting with the same bitter taste that I did, but I really didn't expect him to. He wanted to give them another opportunity to propose a menu to us and see whether it better fit what we needed, so I agreed to giving them one last chance. Douglas sent off a menu idea based on one another potential caterer had put together that well illustrated the type of food we were interested in. Today, Douglas had a phone call with Mr. S about that suggested menu. A looooong phone call that involved more listening than talking. The look on Doug's face told me everything - Mr. S was doing the same thing on the phone that he did in the meeting, selling his vision without asking anything about what we were doing and not letting a question get in edgewise. When Douglas recounted the conversation for me, I learned that Mr. S decided to go full on difficult, so much so, that any difficult vendor or scenario related to wedding planning will now be referred to as "getting Mr. S-ed".
It went a little something like this:
"I can do chicken tenders, but do you want me to go to Sam's and buy the cheap frozen stuff or do you want the really high quality product? Same thing with the burgers, what size are the patties? What type of buns do you want? Do you want the cheap stuff from Sam's or the good stuff?"
If you want me to pay you a few thousand dollars for your services,
why would you even suggest that you would run to Sam's to get the product?!?!?! To quote a former co-worker of mine "I don't know what kind of dope those guys are smoking over there..." A unanimous exclamation of "DICK!" pretty much put the nail in the coffin for Mr. S catering our event. Mr. S will be sending us another menu proposal and after that, we'll be done with Mr. S. If this is the crap we're putting up with before we hand over our money, I can't imagine the crap we'd be putting up with day-of or even week-of. No thanks. We are not knowingly inviting a mountain of extra stress and paying a ton of money for it! That's just insanity. So another caterer bites the dust.
All hope is not lost, though. We still have the option of food provided by Doug's favorite local chinese restaurant, and we still have a caterer that we ended up revisiting who has been awesome to work with so far, especially compared to Mr. S. We're still in early talks with this catering option, but we're hopeful it will be an affordable and fun option.
Lesson learned: as soon as those bells go off in your head, don't give the vendor a second thought. It's really not worth the extra aggravation.
