Quite a few posts have been popping up on various wedding blogs lately about the dilemmas brides face over deciding whether to change their names. For some women, it was a battle over changing a part of who they were. For others, it was a no-brainer. While I haven't been waging World War Z over my identity, the name change has been a topic of discussion for us.
I have always enjoyed being a Rattazzi. The name causes me anguish when people add extra letters in a failed attempt at pronunciation (where did that gh come from?!). The name also serves as a great ice breaker and helps me stick out (helps with interviews, definitely). I've always loved the fact that I had two z's in my name, the fact that so many nicknames can come from it, and that it's simply unique.
On the other hand, my name is now on the short side, so hyphenating was almost never in the running as an option. Now that I know what the second half of the hyphenate would be, it's definitely out. Rattazzi-Davidson, Davidson-Rattazzi just don't flow and they're too long. So that option is out.
Douglas has decided that he wants to stay a Davidson, so the option of him taking my name is out. It's sad that there was a time where this wouldn't even be considered an option worth contemplating.
Some people went with the option of taking on their maiden name as a middle name and taking on the groom's name as a last name. This is out for me because I refuse to have two middle names and I do not want to surrender my given middle name.
I never realized how much could go into such a decision. Growing up, I figured it was just common practice for the woman to take the man's name and women who chose not to were just really attached to their names. I never considered that this practice would cause some folks to have a major identity crisis.
Luckily, I am not one of those extreme cases. While no final decision has been made, it looks like we'll be each keeping our own names. When kids enter the picture, I know I will want to revisit the name change issue, but that's another worry for another time. It's nothing a little game of rock-papper-scissors can't solve (best out of 3?).
Married types or soon to be married types: What made you decide to go the route you did with the name change? Were you/are you content with the decision you made?
Great Expectations
18 hours ago
The decision's already been finalized for me and I still hedge on it!!! I went back and forth ever couple of weeks leading up to the ceremony. Each of our last names are two syllables, so hyphenating is where we went (Guertin-Davis: best to leave the phoenetic one at the end so you can get the spelling out of the way). Although, in my case, the Guertin parentals are less than accepting (i.e. didn't attend the ceremony, made sure I got a letter the day before letting me know why they weren't attending the ceremony - how God disapproves but at least they'll always love me, still cannot let a phone call go by where they don't add that they're praying for me), so the sentimentality I felt for my given last name is fading. In fact, if I had it to do over, I think the ease of just Davis would be nice. My friend Anna King and her husband Ryan Smith became the Kingsmiths, but that is rarely a realistic option. I think you've got the best answer with sticking with what you've got and revisiting when the family grows.
ReplyDeleteIt was easy for me. I was so sick of people butchering "Deschenes" that I was looking forward to an easy last name like "Jenkins." I actually didn't think past that and just went with it!
ReplyDeleteI am very attached to my maiden name. It is how many of past teammates know me: Hoff, Hoffy, Hoffenator, and even Hoffenflugal (don't ask). I am very close with my Hoff family and it just has a lot of memories attached to it. I too went back and forth about changing my name. Matt was open to me keeping Hoff but I could tell he really wanted me to take on Weir. The reason I ultimately decided to change is because it is easier when you need to do joint things - house, cars, banking, and even booking hotel rooms! :) I also was thinking ahead to kids, it's much easier when everyone has the same last name. So I decided to get it over and done with right off the bat rather than later. Plus Hoff and Weir both fit nicely on the back of any sports jersey :)
ReplyDeleteWhile I am not married and have not thought about this at all at this point, I do know a girl who is married and kept her maiden name, but only because she was a teacher. Her husband's name was Whacker, and she teaches 6th grade and didn't want to have to deal with the immaturity that the age can sometimes bring with all the jokes of being "Mrs. Whacker". So she made the decision based on her occupation, though she said otherwise she would have had no problem changing her last name. (The story sounds so much funnier when she tells it.)
ReplyDeleteI could never imagine changing my given name whether it was for marriage or something else; being a Sullivan is very much part of who I am. I know women who have kept their names because they loved their given name, I know women who have changed their name because they very much wanted to distance themselves from the horrible memories of their birth family. I have one engaged friend who has been told by her fiance that if she doesn't change her name, there is no reason for them to get married!
ReplyDeleteI asked Josh if he would take my given name as a middle name (not another last name) and then I would hyphenate. I didn't really think that he cared either way, but I just asked him and apparently he does: he wants me to change my name and absolutely not hyphenate our child's name. His logic was "it's tradition" and "that's just the way its done."
I think that having the choice to change/not change is a blessed gift of the women's movement, but I don't think that what choice you do make has any reflection upon your personal politics. However, I am often confronted down south with the assumption that I will change my name, and if I don't there is something horribly wrong with me. I look forward to having that nice discussion with my very southern in-laws when they find out. ;-) My usual smart ass response is that if I hyphenated, my initials would be V Ass, and I just can't do that to myself.
As for you and Doug, I'd totally go with Rattazzison or Davazzi.
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